The Great Shopping Tamasha

Shopping to the hilt!

Among my relations, I have a Chitappa who is affectionately ‘called in family circles “the weekend offer Chitappa” because he reserves all his purchases for the week-end when supermarkets and big names in retail vie in offering freebies and discounts. He is upto date on schemes of various super markets to the extent that even if one had to step out to buy a packet of rice, he would start off by saying, “why are you going now? “You should go at 3.00 PM on a Saturday to the supermarket back office where you will get a kilo of Basmati rice for as little as Rs. 50”. With marketing guys in a perpetual race to grab heftier market shares,bargains and offers deals and combo -offers from super, hypermarkets are bombarding us all the time and for folks like Uncle, it’s double whammy all the time. When Uncle visited Delhi, he loved nothing better than to explore the by-lanes of Ajmal Khan Road, in search of the best bargain in the Delhi-specific unorganized electrical/ electronic items market. Nothing was healthier, heartening to the soul than a cheery, “Sardarji, Kee Gaal”’ get down to business and wind up the bargain with a satisfactory hammering down of the price of a mixer from its quoted price of 1000 bucks to 500 bucks.
    

It was in the presence of this uncle that  my mom decided to sell old Newspapers to the street vendor. No sooner did she mention her intentions, than Uncle  said, “Forget this chap. Let’s go to Hyper mart, where you can sell not only old newspapers  but also old discarded household items of every conceivable kind ranging from clothing to kitchen utensils,from decades-old toasters and irons to downgraded electronic waste of recent origin for better value”. So that is how, Mom loaded all her sundry items into her Maruti van and headed for Hyper -mart  with uncle beside her.  The Sales girl patiently sorted mum’s things, valued them and handed over a packet of coupons to Mom. “What’s this?” said a surprised Mom. “Ma’am, this is our latest offer,” beamed the Sales girl. “Earlier, you could exchange your old,even damaged household for  articles of the same type from Megamart at a lower price. Now, we have gone a step further to give our customers a better deal. We issue coupons which they can exchange to buy articles of their choice at the discount rate mentioned in the coupon. I have issued coupons of a face value of Rs.5000/- which you can use  up entirely if you make purchases  with us. Imagine,you will be getting goods worth  Rs.9000/- by just spending Rs. 5000/- VALUE SHOPPING FOR  OUR VALUABLE CUSTOMERS  is our motto. Mom’s head was in a whirl. This was indeed a Catch 22 situation-instead of getting hard bucks for her old things, here she was saddled with discount coupons  and she had to think up ways and means to  utilize them. How on earth was she going to figure out what did she need  to buy ? Besides the offer was time-bound. “ Don’t worry”,  said Uncle. “ We can use up the coupons in no time. A household needs so many things- from bread to bedsheets,tooth-paste to touristers- an entire gamut of consumables and consumer products. Also you can pass on these coupons to your friends and relatives if you can’t use them within the OFFER period.It’s the  Steal of a Lifetime, whichever way, you look at it!” and he rubbed his hands in glee.

  

How Mom worked her way through the coupons is another story. At the end of their last visit to Megamart, Uncle wandered off to the marketing office, after excusing himself. ““Now what?” wondered a weary Mom. After a long wait, Uncle returned all in smiles. “All those who have used up their Coupons entirely get freebies like Free Mobile Talktime. I went over to collect freebies coming our way”, said Uncle on his way to the exit.

   

Just then a Mall executive waylaid them.  “ Excuse me”, he said.  I think you are Coupon Holders. Today, being the last day for using up coupons, Megamart celebrates tomorrow as  Grand Coupon Completion Day herein  the store will honour all those  customers who successfully used up their coupons. Additionally, there is also a Super Duper  Loyalty Award to these loyal customers-  tomorrow we will reissue fresh coupon to them for free. They don’t have to bring their old things. Don’t miss this Opportunity to shop to your heart’s content”, and he went on and on. Uncle listened, as if spell-bound. “Tomorrow, we should make it here’, he said turning in  Mom’s direction.

     Mom was not there! Anybody listening?